i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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