just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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