U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
