and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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