He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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