I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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