dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
