I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
