that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
