HIV tests are more positive than that guy
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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