you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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