they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
