I skipped work to stalk him.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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