Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
