but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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