he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
