I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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