Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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