My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
