I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
