6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
