my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
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