So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
