You just made me feel so damn special
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
