so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize