Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
