I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
