does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
