I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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