I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
