god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
if only i could text you this smell
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
