That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
