my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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