my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Even my vagina gasped.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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