you would pick up someone in the library
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
