i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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