maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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