you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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