no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
