I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
