not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
