We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
