I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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