And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
