Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
even my farts smell like vagina
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
