that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
