I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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