Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
