I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
