Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
