The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
