so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
