I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
