my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I want her autograph on my taint
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
