im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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