Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
