Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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