My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
bring money and cleavage
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
