Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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