Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
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I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
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Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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