Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize