You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Randomize
