he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
