69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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