6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
