if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
