Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
