It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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